Witching Hour: Thinking

Anger management

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 17:10:12 GMT

It seems a coincidence for me to witness 3 instances of angry people all within a couple of weeks. Sometimes all it takes is an inconsiderate act, or perhaps someone might be having such a bad day that it doesn't take much before they explode.

The first episode took place on a public bus when a middle age man with a walking stick got on and made his way to one of the seats occupied by a woman dozing on the outer half of it. I thought it was rather rude of him to use his walking stick to hit her legs to wake her so that he could squeeze into the window seat. Judging from his reaction as he shuffled in and from the woman's mumbling, she must have been giving him a piece of her mind about hitting her legs. As he sat down, he started off by scolding her that she should just sleep at home. Though I was a few seats away, I could not hear the woman's reply but it seemed to have inflammed him further and he started to shout louder at her .... throwing in a couple of swear words for good measure.

It wasn't long before the exchange become even more heated and he bellowed for her to 'SHUT UP!'. All the other passengers were staring at them and I could see that the woman sitting right in front of the bickering couple was quite startled by the loud exchanges as she kept looking back at them. The driver didn't seem to be doing anything to diffuse the situation. Fortunately another woman, who must have been the man's wife and seated across them, persuaded the angry man to move with her to another seat at the back of the bus. I was relieved that he did though he was still scolding the woman even as he made his way out, but finally peace prevailed.

The second episode happened while I was browsing around the Bata store on the 2nd level of Tiong Bahru Plaza. A very angry man was directing his rage at the trash bin just outside the store and shouting something. His first kick didn't knock the bin over and that seemed to infuriate him so he gave it 2 more kicks which sent the bin crashing onto the floor. A few of us had moved closer to the entrance to see what the commotion was all about. When he noticed our attention on him, he shouted 'SEE WHAT?' (singlish for what are you looking at?). As he started to move off from the fallen bin, he directed another kick at the cardboard advertisement mounted on an easel displayed at the store entrance and sent it onto the floor. I suppose that must have given him some satisfaction and he disappeared from view. One of the staff from the store who went out to pick up the easel was obviously displeased with such boorish behavior and was grumbling to another man nearby. It's a good thing the angry man didn't break the store's glass partition when he was kicking things around.

The final episode was at Vivocity. I had just finished shopping at Daiso on the top floor and was making my way out when I heard angry shouting which seemed to be coming from a lower level. Peeking down from the railings, I could see man A being restrained by a couple of security guards as he tried to get at man B who was sitting down on the floor watching some program from the LCD TV sets on display. I wasn't sure what the quarrel was about but my guess was that B must have been displeased to have his view blocked by A and probably said something rude to him. The angry A was finally persuaded to move off but he got agitated again when B started to justify his rantings to the guards. I think the latter had about enough and told B to shut up as he was only making things worse. I'm glad the guards finally managed to drag A away and prevented a nasty fight between those 2 men.

3 angry episodes ..... something which could have been avoided if people can just be more civil to each other. I'm not sure what had made that man outside the Bata store lose his cool but all these people probably could do with some anger management help. All together now 'Ohmmm'.....

Letters

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 15:25:51 GMT

I'm still at it .... going through my drawers at home this time and clearing out stuff. Those old telephone bills should have been trashed long ago. Would you believe I am still keeping all my payslips since my first job which goes a long way back? I just couldn't bear to throw these away ..... perhaps for sentimental reasons and a reminder of what a measly pay I started out with. Birthday and New Year cards were the next to go into the disposal bin, except for a couple of them which were from my parents when I was working away from home .... these I will keep.

I came upon a small stack of letters from a former classmate, some dated as far back as 2000. We still keep in touch, but through email these days. Back then we were still writing to each other and it would always brighten up my day to find a letter or card in the mail box. I wonder if there are people at present who still send snail mail when it's so much easier to either send an sms or email just with a press of a button. But then it's just different to receive a letter sealed in an envelope ..... that one can physically touch and open up to read, written in the individual's distinctive handwriting. Wouldn't it be a treasured note that one can take out and read all over again, especially if it's from someone special?

Sadly most of us don't receive handwritten letters anymore. Emails save paper and postage, and it's way much faster. Who would still take the trouble to sit down and write letters using pen and paper, put it in an envelope and drop it into the postbox? Gone are the days when you wait expectantly and hope to find a letter addressed to you when you open the mailbox. Most often than not, all we see in the letterbox are bills or some junk mail that will go right into the trash bin.

I do think my handwriting had deteriorated from lack of practice. Do I still write letters? Hardly anymore ..... but once in a long while, I still do for people who are special to me. When it's time to say goodbye .... when I need to say thank you, I put these words on paper .... and hope they know these are from the heart, but which they can choose to keep or to dispose off in the bin at some later date.

Dear Bangkok

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 09:02:40 GMT

I wonder what the world is coming to these days. I miss the days when we did not have to look over our shoulders every minute, wondering whether it is safe where we are or be greeted by chaos in some place or other. But the world has changed ..... it's just not that simple anymore, and it makes me sad. When I read or see those mindless destruction in some places and dissenting voices which clamours to be heard, I feel a weariness for them. Have life changed so much from the past or was this discord present then but in some other form? We are just human after all, arent' we?

Why such a mournful train of thought on an uneventful Saturday? As had been posted in an earlier entry, I had been undecided on a holiday destination and had been asking myself where I really wanted to go. One possibility was a short trip to Bangkok so I did some googling on places of interests and things to do, asked a friend who had been there .... and it was sort of shaping up. I could already imagine myself in a shopping paradise. And then the present events started unfolding on the news .... and the peaceful image went 'pop'. I see defiant faces in the crowds and visitors now stranded due to the airports being closed off .... and these images made me feel sad. It's just not the same anymore, is it?

Dear Bangkok .... take care. Perhaps I'll drop by some other day.

Losing Dad

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 11:13:53 GMT

On hindsight, perhaps I should have gone back first and not wait for second brother and his wife who was flying in from Perth. He had already changed their September flight to last Saturday as dad's condition had taken a sudden turn for the worst. We were to go back to see dad together.

Each day I would receive sms updates from eldest brother about dad's condition ..... I knew he was slipping away from us. I had a strong feeling that perhaps we will not make it in time but had held on to a hope that he would wait for us for just a few more days. I asked brother to please tell him that we'll be there to see him very soon, in the hope that it would give him strength. But just a day before we were due back, the dreaded sms came.

I was at work that Friday morning. I could have gone back home then but I didn't want to since there was nothing for me to do except wait for brother's arrival the next morning. I didn't want to go home and think about losing dad .... so I kept myself busy with whatever work I was doing and not give myself time to think. Brother arrived early Saturday morning and we proceeded by bus up north a few hours later, reaching Ipoh in the evening.

As I gazed down at dad's face, I was thinking that dad didn't look like dad but he seemed to be at peace now. I had held onto my grief but couldn't hold back during those moments when we knelt down to pay our respects. On the final day just before the coffin was sealed, we took a last look. As I gazed down upon dad's face, I noticed a wet spot at the inner corner just below his right eye ..... my first thought 'who dripped something onto dad's face?' Or was it because dad missed us too? The most difficult moment was when we stood there and watched him being transported gently into the cremation chamber and the door shut with finality. It was a moment when I couldn't contain the tears which then flowed freely. His urn was placed right next to mom's the next day ..... I hope he's at peace now and he's with mom.

The day before I came back, we went through dad's things and I came upon old photos from my school days and of me and my siblings when we were young, some of dad and mom on holiday and of them in their younger years. There were some rare ones of their wedding. I knew I had to keep these ..... they are all we have of them now.

Goodbye dad ......

A day too late

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 09:22:02 GMT

Dear dad, I wish you had waited just one more day for us. We are coming back to see you and we would be there tomorrow. I was hoping against hope that you would wait for us ..... but you couldn't.

I'm so sorry we are not there sooner.

Perfect idols

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 16:22:06 GMT

The other day I came across this snippet in ST Life which announced the coming wedding of one of my K-idols Kwong Sang Woo and being unable to contain my curiosity about his bride, I googled for her picture. Perhaps I had higher expectations of him but I thought she could have been prettier (meow??), but since he had made his choice then so be it. I suppose for us who tend to put our idols on a pedestal, we cannot help but feel involved in their lives.

I couldn't keep this piece of news to myself so sent an sms to my colleague and fellow KSW fan (ever since we watched Stairway To Heaven) that he's getting hitched soon. She had read the news too and her response ...... 'looks like you need to find another idol' ..... and my reply 'Bae Yong Jun is still my idol'. Then she giggled and asked me if I had heard whether her first K-idol is married.

So what is it with us women and our idols? He should be great looking AND single ..... once he is taken, we cannot help but feel he's no longer 'ours'. Perhaps from looking at his perfect image in our mind's eye, we now see him with another woman and that he's off-limits. I'm not sure whether I would feel that way when BYJ gets married but he still has my vote and I think he is getting better looking with age. I first watched him in Winter Sonata which started me on my kdrama craze and loved his hairstyle then and his current hairstyle in The Legend which just ended this Sat. I'm not exactly sure what the ending meant when he walked into that ball of light ..... did he die or did he not?

I got a bit side-tracked talking about BYJ but coming back to our idols, I suppose it's to do with them being our dream men ...... perfect and being there for us. So when they get married, we reasoned that they don't 'belong' to us anymore .... sigh ...... but never mind, we'll go look for another idol. Which somehow brings to mind this feeling I had when a friend who's getting married soon, had posted up a couple of prominent photos of his bride-to-be on his blog. I don't know why but it sort of feels strange ..... from reading what used to be his blog to getting the feeling that it had become their blog ..... I can't quite describe it but just felt strange. Perhaps just as with our idols, this instinctive feeling says he's 'taken'.

Life's lessons

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 11:09:24 GMT

One of my colleagues have recently left and another will be leaving very soon. This is such a common occurence in the workplace that we usually do not think much of it. There will be some we still keep in touch with and others we might not hear from again. There were a few I had really missed because they were such great friends ...... people I feel comfortable with, who share the occasional rants and corny jokes and with whom we can just be ourselves. Then there are those I may not feel so comfortable with ...... and some I would rather not talk about.

I'm not sure why but I do believe that each person I meet has a reason to be here. No matter how they may relate to me, I believe there is something I can learn from them. What do I mean? It is easy to understand that it is a blessing to have good friends but what about the not so pleasant ones ..... those who step onto our toes and with whom we might not get along?

I can still recall some really unpleasant instances where one nasty character had given me a tough time and I was angry for a long time. That didn't make me feel good inside because I did not have peace of mind. But one fine day, I just decided that I do not want to be angry anymore and to be able to do that, I need to be able to forgive. It was easier said than done but I willed myself to forgive ..... and it felt as if this mental load I've been carrying around was taken from me. It just felt good. From this I have learnt that we are only hurting ourselves if we choose to allow what others do to get to us.

So what have I learnt from those I have met?

From great colleagues ...... I have experienced joy, laughter, support, sharing and empathy.

From some not so great colleagues ...... I have learnt patience, tolerance, forgiveness, understanding and sympathy.

To the not so pleasant ones I have known ...... thanks anyway for the lessons you have taught me.

To those great friends who have been a blessing ..... thank you for being here and for having been here. You know who you are.

What type are you?

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:06:05 GMT

Enneagram

I attended this very interesting in-house course at the workplace the other day and found out quite a bit about myself. Take a look at that circle which shows 9 different personality types ..... it's called an Enneagram. Can't decide which type you are? It's not suprising as all of us have a bit of each type in us, but we actually fall into one main type which represents our core. Notice the different lines linking each number type ..... these are the links for each type and these can either be negative or positive traits. You can get a more detailed description of your personality type from this site http://www.enneagraminstitute.com

Type 1 (The Reformer) ..... The Rational Idealistic Type: Principled, Purposeful, Self-controlled and Perfectionistic

Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.

Type 2 (The Helper) ....... The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive

Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Type 3 (The Achiever) ....... The Success-oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptable, Excelling, Driven and Image-conscious

Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.

Type 4 (The Individualist) ....... The Sensitive, Introspective type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Fours are self-aware, sensitive and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative and personal but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence and self-pity. At their best: inspired and highly creaive, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Type 5 (The Investigator) ....... The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated

Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

Type 6 (The Loyalist) ........ The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious

The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent "troubleshooters," they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others.

Type 7 (The Enthusiast) ........ The Busy, Variety-Seeking type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

Type 8 (The Challenger) ....... The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self- mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.

Type 9 (The Peacemaker) ....... The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring Agreeable, and Complacent

Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

I expected myself to be a Type 1 but after the test results were out, I discovered that I'm actually a Type 6 linked to Type 5 and Type 9 ..... so I'm a loyal investigator and peacemaker. Or to be more specific, type 5 is my 'wing' or second side of my personality, my direction of integration (growth) goes towards type 9 and of disintegration (stress) goes towards type 3. Confused already? The above mentioned website explains it all.

My core and alternate wing

Need vs want

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 18:20:13 GMT

I had felt so tempted to get this mini laptop, the Asus EEE PC which was on offer at only $398 at Carefoure a couple of days ago. It was such a good bargain and having read good reviews about it, I had seriously considered buying it. I love its cute 7 inch screen and pretty colours.

I wasn't sure why but in the end, common sense prevailed. I already have my Dell and I'm not in the habit of lugging some laptop around to surf the Net on the go. Those emails can wait until I get back home, so why would I need to get another PC which would probably end up lying around at home? It might be a good bargain but I don't really need it, do I?

It might take the fun out of shoppping but I should try asking myself whether it is a want or a need. Some things are definitely great to have but not really a necessity. I suppose most of us have become so used to upgrading stuff and throwing away things we have grown tired of ...... and then upgrading again just because something new came out. We can afford it so why not? Sometimes we just want to give ourselves a reward and that item is a must have ...... how can one resist when it's calling out 'buy me, buy me'?

I suppose it has to do with will power. In this instance, I have to decide between wanting and needing something. I know I do not need this, as tempting as it is. I shall go get something else that I really need.

Home

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:25:11 GMT

I'm glad I had gone back to see you ..... my mind is more at peace knowing you are okay. I didn't realise how time had flown and how different you are from the last time I was home. You have lost weight. Have I been so pre-occupied by the daily rush that I had failed to notice how quickly the months had flown by?

I'm glad to see that you have settled in and you find the place okay. I'm reassured that he has not abandoned you ..... it's just that he really believed it's better for you to have full time care in this place as home is not the best place for you right now. Here at least, you will not be lonely with people around you and you'll be given proper care. I'm glad that he drops by everyday to spend some time with you, even if just for short while.

This place looks okay to me as it's a private home and it has a nice garden. The fresh air will be good for you, and the other residents and cheerful carers will be good company. I do think it is better for you to have people around you so that you will not such a loner like you used to be ..... it was not good for you to be cooped up at home all by yourself.

I can go home now and not feel so worried because I know you will be okay. I shall be back to see you again.

Dad

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:52:41 GMT

Dad, you have been in my thoughts a lot lately ..... not because it's Father's Day but because I feel worried about you. I may go back to visit off and on over the years; more often when mum was still around .... but I don't talk to you as often as I should. I suppose I had not felt close to you, being the typical Asian father who leaves most of the parenting to Mum. But still, you're dad and I would drop by to see how you were even if I need to travel a whole day up north. Perhaps you do not know how to say it out loud but I know you're always happy to see me. Even if it's just for a couple of days and all we do were as mundane as simple chats and having meals together. When was my last trip? If I remember correctly, it was sometime last year and you were still your sprightly self albeit getting on in your years.

Lately I heard that you were not doing well; your legs have failed you and caused you to drop down a few times. Your condition had not been good and you're now incontinent. You had always been so independant and preferred to stay on your own even after Mum had passed on. But now you cannot be on your own anymore ..... I thought it was great that you had moved in to stay with brother and I could be assured that he'll take care of you.

But this assurance had been short-lived ..... they had decided to put you in a home because they find it difficult to cope. After I'd put down the phone, I couldn't help but cried. How could they do this ..... I know it will not be easy but couldn't they get a full time helper? After all, you are our Dad and we should be there for you. But how do I judge my siblings when I am standing here at a distance? I could not help but feel weighted down with guilt ...... who am I to judge when I'm not in their shoes? But I feel we have failed you ...... do we want our kids to put us away when we too have become old and grey?

I knew I had to go back and see you .... I need to find out how you are. Dad, I'll be there tomorrow so I'll talk to you then.

Nature's wrath

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 09:18:37 GMT

Recent Earthquakes - Last 8-30 Days

Current Time: Sat, 7 Jun 2008 07:12:02 UTC (coordinated universal time)

Depth
Distance below sea level in kilometers.
33 km is used as a default depth for earthquakes determined to be shallow, but whose depth is not satisfactorily determined by the data. Default depths of 5 or 10 km are usually used in mid-continental areas and on mid-ocean ridges since earthquakes in these areas are usually shallower than 33 km.

I came across this very informative site of the US Geological Survey which gives recent updates of earthquakes around the world in a detailed list of all the highlighted spots on the map which included the dates, location and magnitude. To get the latest list, just reload the page http://neic.usgs.gov/neis/qed/index.html

With the recent disasters in the neighbouring countries which has brought immeasurable suffering to many, I could not help but wonder how much more the world can take before we get laden down with a weariness in spirit to witness yet another tragedy again and again. It makes one feel so small and helpless towards Nature's wrath. Those of us who are fortunate to live in areas which are hardly affected might not comprehend how much suffering there is to those who are. We watch scenes of the aftermath from the comfort of our living room, we may weep for them and try to extend what help we can ...... but are we able to truly feel what they are feeling? How does one know how it feels to lose all your loved ones within the blink of an eye along with the home you've lived all your lilfe? How does one feel never to see one's child again when just a moment ago, he had been so full of life and laughter?

It might sound strange but these morbid thoughts of the unpredictable has always been in my consciousness. I suppose that is partly the reason I would not take life for granted. There was a particular scene from one of my favourite K-dramas where the lead character said something which stuck in my mind .... 'one moment someone is standing there in front of you; you wake up and though life goes on as normal you find that there is one less person. I know it does not sound gramatical when translated like that but the gist of it is that you'll never know when you lose someone dear to you.

I have personally lived through one such moment a number of years back ..... out of the blue, I received a call telling me that my brother had met with an accident; his bike had collided with a car .... and we lost him. My mind had reeled from the shock ..... how could it be, what is going to happen to his young kids? When I went back for his funeral, I could still visualise him going about the house doing the usual things he would do. It took some time but finally I came to an acceptance that he would no longer be with us.

So do take time to treasure your nearest and dearest, and be thankful for what you have ......

Time to move on

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:54:15 GMT

Sometimes we may not conciously think about it but there comes a certain moment when we know it is time to let go of things we've been hoarding in a part of us .... which we've held on to for a long, long time. Some of these things we would occasionally dig up to replay in our mind ..... the 'what ifs' and 'what could have been' and we would wonder how it might have been if only ......

There are some things we know it could not be but we had wanted to believe otherwise. Things we know could not be ours, but still we want to keep the memories anyway. There are some items which are of no real value .... but these are priceless because of what they remind us of, and which we want to keep forever.

Lately as I look back at something I've been hoarding ..... I do believe it is time to let it go .... and to move on .......

Faceless

Sat, 03 May 2008 09:53:15 GMT

I've decided to turn myself into a happy bean for my profile picture. I know I hardly have any visitors here and even if I do get the occasional reader who drops by, they're decent people who would not be the least bit interested in doing strange things with my photo. But just to have peace of mind, I have decided not to display it. Somehow the thought of some strange character whose hobby is to photoshop people's faces onto naked bodies freaks me out. But then we are not in the league of rich or well known public figures whose faces are of interests, so it's unlikely they would bother. Anyway it's not such a bad thing to remain faceless in cyberspace ..... at least you know someone reads your musings out of interest, and it gives them the option to visualise the kind of face they think might be yours.

Speaking of weird characters, sometimes I wonder why these people do what they do. Hacking, spamming, phishing and whatever else they do on the web ..... why do they do it? Perhaps they get a thrill in being able to cause major damage to someone's computer by giving them a virus or two. Sometimes when my system slows down to a crawl, I would project poisonous thoughts at these faceless pranksters out there.

To those spammers who love sending me a bunch of 'health aids for enlargement and longer lasting power' messages ........ you're sending it to the wrong gender.

Book of life

Thu, 01 May 2008 06:59:56 GMT

The other day a friend shared with me his plans to finally make a commitment to his lady and a thought popped into my head ... he's going to embark on a new chapter of his life. It was like .... hey, isn't life just like a book?.

A book unique to each of us ..... with stages of our life recorded in different chapters, bound with a cover embossed with our name. A book which chronicles all events of past, present and future .... or perhaps one with blank pages, to be filled in by an unseen hand according to choices we make.

If life were a book, which do we want it to be ...... with blank pages to be filled in either with mundane everyday stuff or colourful exciting pictures? Or pre-written, with chapters we wish we could re-write as they unfold? Would it be possible to edit certain pages so that we can produce a happy ending? When we stand at a crossroad, which path should we choose so that when we flip back to that page, we shall have no regrets?

If life were a book that was pre-written, I suppose it would not be possible to change its content or ending. That is what some people refer to as Fate. But if we wish to believe that our book is made up of blank pages ..... it would be up to us to write our life story, wouldn't it?

So which kind of book do you want yours to be? And to my friend .... may this special chapter of your life be filled with blessings.

Earth hour

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 10:24:06 GMT

Earth hour 2008 ..... 29th March 8pm - 9pm. First started by Sydney on March 31 2007, Earth Hour is about each of us making a simple pledge of turning off the lights for one hour to deliver a message about the need for action on global warming.

I read about it but sadly did not turn off the lights last night. I hope my small efforts at recycling helps in some way though .... keeping plastic, glass and paper wastes in the yellow bags for collection by the recycling company in my area and donating unwanted items which are still in good condition to the Salvation Army Thrift store. I bring along a reusable bag when shopping at NTUC and at other shops, I would tell the sales person I do not need their carriers for small items which can be kept in my tote. I also make it a point to switch off both my desktops at home and in the office when I'm done for the day.

The latest count as of this minute, from the official website http://www.earthhour.org/ ...... 20,318 businesses and 294,475 people have signed up to support Earth Hour. Did you do your part?

Mystery summons

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:29:42 GMT

The other evening when I reached home from work, I noticed what looked like a typed letter taped to the front of my door. My first thought was perhaps it's a note from the town council. Only on reading its contents did I realise it was an official summons from the family court and though the address is correct, the person to whom it was addressed was unfamiliar.

What I could remember of its contents was that a man had reported on behalf of a child (with the same family name) an offence committed on this child by the letter's receipient at the unit number similar to mine but on the 7th floor. So it was actually a typing error that the letter was sent to my address ..... but what I found strange was that we did not receive this letter in our mailbox. Very strange indeed as higly confidential letters with the offender's name and IC number would not be taped as an open letter on the recepient's door but sent in a sealed envelope. It seemed as if someone had opened the envelope and decided it was meant for my unit since the number was correct .... but then how had this person received it in the first place?

But anyway, what really got my attention was the 2nd page which informed the receipient that it is an offence to commit a sexual act on the wife without her consent, if he had been ordered not to commit such an act by the court or the wife had taken out an order against the man while in the process of applying for a divorce. The next paragraph went on to describe the kind of sentence for such an offence committed.

Very puzzling indeed but interesting neverthless ..... the summons was for an offence on an Indian child (whose name sounds male), the man who made the report could be the child's father, uncle or brother (same family name) but the offender's name was Chinese and sounds female. An image was forming in my head .... perhaps this is a family of a Chinese lady married to an Indian man and she had physically abused the son .... but then why would they need to include that 2nd page regarding sexual offences committed by a man? Could the man had forced himself on his unwilling wife because she had abused their son? If the man was the one who made the report, surely he wouldn't report on himself? That was beginning to sound rather dramatic. Somehow it just did not make much sense to me, and I still could not figure out how the person who taped this letter to my door had received it since it was addressed to my unit.

Since the letter required the receipient to atttend a hearing on a given date at the family court and ended with a warning that a warrant would be issued if the person did not turn up, I felt I had to hand this letter to the intended receipient on the 7th floor. I only managed to get a response on my second visit upstairs and it was a lady who enquired behind closed doors as to what I wanted. On my query whether there was this said person living in that unit, she confirmed yes and only then did she open the door when I mentioned there was a letter. She was a Chinese lady in her 60s but I did not ask if she was the receipient. After explaining that I was from the unit downstairs and that the letter was wrongly sent to me, I passed it to her and she thanked me for bringing it up.

It's an intriguing case which I still cannot figure out ..... and so the plot thickens. Could this elderly lady who was most likely the child's grandma, have beaten up the boy ..... but then again, why was there a need for that 2nd page?

Updated entry ..... I think I'm being overly imaginative. It could be a report made by the Indian man against his Chinese neighbour in the form of "how dare you lay a finger on my son" type of complaint. As for that 2nd page, it's probably just for general information. Yes, that's it ..... mystery solved.

Happy Singaporeans

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 08:54:16 GMT

Desperately seeking Singapore's happiest person ..... as reported in ST a couple of days ago. I wonder why Mr Philip Merry, the CEO and Founder of Global Leadership Academy (GLA) came up with this search but it sounds like a great idea.

I suppose it doesn't hurt to come up with some light-hearted award to make people aware of what being truly happy is all about. Most of us are so obsessed with material pursuits in our daily life that sometimes we forget that life is not just all about making the most $$$ and being able to afford the most expensive stuff. Though happiness means different things to different people, I feel sorry for those who believe that they will only be happy when they've made their first million, have climbed all the way to the top (even at the expense of others) or have become somebody important. Yes, these things can make some people happy but it's a fleeting moment that doesn't lasts. After the euphoria, they would need to go further to climb the next mountain.

To me, happiness is more a state of mind .... not something one can buy off the shelf. I believe to be truly happy, one needs to be contented .... be thankful with what one is blessed with. Sometimes it can be from such simple things as being with those we care about, achieving even the simplest tasks done well ..... just being at peace with oneself. I know it sounds silly but sometimes when I catch a beautiful sunset, it brings to me a spontaneous joy ..... to be able to share in this wondrous sight. Ahhh ...... so much for my own musings.

Back to the search ..... to qualify, Singapore's Happy must be above 18, has a smiley disposition and a strong sense of belonging, contributes to society, and 'is happy no matter what life throws at him or her.' Nominations of the happiest Singaporeans should be sent to happiest@simply-happy.com or mailed to 'Singapore's Happiest Person', GLA, Level 31, Six Battery Road, Singapore 049909. Nominations close on March 30.

So if you know of anyone who fits the description, go ahead and nominate.

Dental torture

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 05:21:10 GMT

Oh no, is it time for my dental appointment already? I'm so not looking forward to having that dreaded high-pitch screeching thing in my mouth .... which never fails to bring images of it digging into my gums and making me bleed to death. A bit dramatic I know but it's my phobia of going to the dentist. 30 mins with that evil piece of metal would seem like an eternity. I suppose it doesn't help that I have sensitive spots and when they get hit ..... OUCH!! ..... OUCH!! .....

I wish some genius would come up with some high tech device that can clean teeth without direct contact .... or at least something that cleans quietly without it shrieking in your mouth (perhaps this is what really scares me). It is always such a relief when the session is over ...... until the next torture date in 6 months.

Eureka

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:38:57 GMT

There are times when some problem stares you in the face and simply refuses to go away. You've been tossing it around in your head and it's giving you a nasty headache. You feel a tightness in your chest and your BP must have crept into the not so healthy range. Sigh ..... what to do ..... what to do?? Then all of a sudden ...... 'ting' ..... a light goes on in your brain. Yes, yes, yes ...... how could you not have thought of that before? Suddenly it all seemed so logical.

I had one of those moments at work yesterday. I've been racking my brains over some procedure which had gone all wrong. After having spent so much time on it and having it turned out badly was really disappointing. I decided to give it another try but it was no different. "Don't give up now" ..... I admonished myself. I'm glad I didn't because it was at that moment when that light in my brain went 'ting'.

Aahh .... happiness ......

February 29

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:22:01 GMT

Quote .....

A saint once decreed

that a man must agree

to a woman's proposal today

Give me a sign

whether to meet me at eight

at the same place you sit

and fulfil the tradition of February 29 ......

To those who believe ..... go on, take a chance and fulfil your destiny.

Don't sweat the small stuff

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:18:50 GMT

Sam, a Chinese Crested Hairless, crowned World's Ugliest Dog from 2003 - 2005

As the saying goes 'life is too short' so why sweat the small stuff? Yes, don't most of us face minor irritations occasionally, that pushes up our BP just a little and give us slight indigestion? I can personally think of some of these 'small stuff'.

Packed like sardines

You've waited an eternity for a bus that is nowhere in sight, you glanced at your watch for the umpteenth time and silently fumed 'now where is that @*#% bus, have all the drivers gone on strike?'. And when the said bus and driver ambled into sight, you groan aloud at the sight of it jammed with commuters right up to the entrance. Now how do you even attempt to board this tuna can?

Inconsiderate passengers

We've all met a couple of these .... people slugging bulky backpacks or sling bags swinging merrily along with them, and then 'WHAM' .... these hit you in some part of your anatomy or if you're unlucky, right in the face. Sometimes I would wonder who was the genius who came up with the design of the seats, especially the one right in the narrowed aisle next to the steps (upper level of double-deckers). Instead of having the safety partition curving so much that it only leaves a narrow walkway, he could have made it straight. I don't suppose the designer takes public transport. As for me, I'd avoid this particular aisle seat at all cost unless that's the only available seat left .... and pray that I won't get slammed.

Is it just me or have you ever noticed how often fellow commuters waiting at the bus shelters would unfailingly zero in on the very spot right in front of your line of vision? You're unable to see whether your bus is coming so you'd be doing a little dance, repeatedly craning your neck from your right to your left and hope to catch a glimpse around that person's back. And how about that flu infested human right behind you sneezing explosively into your hair or the phlegm clearer spitting it out onto the ground right next to you?

The bus that got away

The feeder bus A you're on has just stopped at the slip road junction waiting to filter out onto the main road where you'll be alighting to catch bus B to your desination. You see bus B zipping by. Oh no, there it goes .... please filter out now so that you can still run down and catch that bus. The driver of bus A is still patiently waiting for the other vehicles to clear the road. You watch helplessly as bus B pulls out from the bus stop ...... aargh, you feel your BP escalate ...... sigh, another long wait for the next bus. Or bus A had somehow managed to catch up with bus B, you've already started running towards the latter and it starts moving out of the bus bay. 'Stop! Stop!' you silently shouted in your head. Surely that driver couldn't be such a heartless fella, could he?

The list could get longer but well, we have to live and let live and try not to sweat the small stuff. There are other more important things to worry about.

Updated footnote:

These are just the occasional small stuff. Most of the time, the buses do not take too long to arrive and fellow commuters are not a bad bunch. I would also like to say ' thanks' to the drivers who do keep a lookout for those running for their buses. And to the sneezers and spitters, I wouldn't mind passing you some tissue if I know you need them.

Dream job

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:24:00 GMT

Have you ever thought about what kind of work you would really like to do if money is not the objective? I suppose for most of us ordinary folks, the priority would be how much it pays. But what if you inherited a fortune and not need to lift a finger for the rest of your life? You would say then you need not work anyway so what is the question? But just supposing you still want a job .... for fulfillment, whatever, as it would be rather meaningless to just wine and dine for the rest of your life.

I know what I would like to do ..... I want to open up a veterinary clinic, animal shelter or join the zoo. Any job with animals in it would be fine, smelly poo or not. I cannot quite explain it but I just love these creatures. Somehow I feel a connection with them. Yes, that would be my dream job ..... with all creatures great and small.

It's not surprising that I enjoy reading books on them. One of my fav authors is James Herriot, a vet surgeon at Glassgow Vet college. He writes with great humour and his accounts of veterinary mishaps and colourful characters, both human and animals made me laughed out loud. I have all 5 of his books and though they may have turned yellow with age, are still greatly treasured. Another author whose writings I enjoy is Gerald Durell who founded the Jersey Wildlife Preservation Trust. His accounts of his many expeditions to collect and recue a great number of unique and endangered species though written with humour, carry with them a serious message about conservation. What a meaningful life these 2 men lead ..... I think it's great to be able to do something one loves. Their books can be found at the public libraries.

So what is your dream job?

Valentine

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:53:47 GMT

Want to impress your girl this Valentine's Day? Would you be willing to fork out $39K for an over-the-top Valentine Day package offered by the Four Season's Hotel? I think that is a blatant waste of $$$ even if the guy is as rich as Bill Gates or our own Sim Wong Hoo. I wouldn't be impressed by a guy who would splurge on that kind of excess on me. But I would be if he were to use even a fraction of that amount to do some good instead.

I'm not sure what some ladies would like for their Valentine but it would truly touch my heart if he were to do something sweet just for me ..... doesn't have to be anything grand, just some thoughtful gesture that says he cares. And it doesn't have to be on Feb 14th.

Like a zombie

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:30:07 GMT

Looks like I seriously need to keep one of my new year resolutions, and that is to sleep early instead of keeping such late nights. I know I don't get enough rest and feels like a zombie in the mornings. I owe myself a huge sleep debt which I try to pay back during the weekends.

So what is it that keeps me up into the wee hours? For one, I've become addicted to this bubble game .... I suppose it's pretty mindless to waste hours shooting at multi-coloured bubbles and getting a silly thrill when I managed to burst them all. I ought to banish this game from my desktop so that I wouldn't be tempted to play just one more game.

But what really keeps me from having early nights is the simple reason that time seems to move too fast. Somehow there doesn't seem to be much time left of each day after work. Before one knows it, it's already midnight. I don't know why but I just feel it's such a waste of time to sleep when there are things I would like to do. Perhaps it's just that I like the quietness that the wee hours bring ..... the witching hours as I call them.

Now if only I could have more than 24 hours a day .... yawn ......

Exhausting weekend

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:03:32 GMT

Had a really exhausting weekend .... cleaning up the place for my brother and family from Down Under who dropped by on their way to Malaysia. All eight of them including some relatives from his wife's family who came up from Ipoh to join them for a brief holiday ..... most of it spent on shopping. I was so dead tired from all that walking around the malls that I 'collapsed' on reaching home.

Back at work with tons to do. The RD is breathing down my neck and wants to see some slides from the Exakt system soon. I have to complete a batch of slides for another project as well, and one of the POs encountered an error in Gebiz and couldn't be processed. Gosh, I can't breathe ...... help!

Disgrace

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 18:11:49 GMT

Was supposed to meet up at Chinatown MRT station but ended up at Outram instead as I was taking the bus and didn't check the station name. What happened next was disgraceful ..... instead of taking the next train to Chinatown, I ended up in the opposite direction to Harbourfront. All because I didn't check the service panel in my haste.

How to call myself a Singaporean ..... can't even tell Outram from Chinatown MRT station and then going in the wrong direction.

Letting go

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 18:18:11 GMT

For the past few days, those who follow the news would not have missed the reports on how ill this man is and the efforts made to keep him alive. Those who love him would want to keep him with them for as long as they could. But as I read or listen to these reports, the one thought that kept popping into my mind was 'why?'. Why are they doing this? No, it's not that I couldn't care less whether he exists or not ..... I just wondered whether this is what is best for him.

Do we really want to see someone dear to us lying there in pain? Do we want to see him hooked up to some machine, unable to breathe on his own? He's alive or is he really? You call his name but he cannot hear .... your heart breaks but he cannot feel your pain. He's here but not really. Do we keep someone with us out of our selfishness and because we need him more than he needs us?

Or do we care enough and love them enough to let them go .... when it's time?

Spring cleaning

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:36:05 GMT

We're fortunate that the Uni has decided to make 31st Dec a university holiday and since it falls on a monday, we'll have a long weekend break this year . The last day of 2007 ...... isn't it a good time to do some spring cleaning, get rid of those cob-webs and make space for new stuff??

The first thought that comes to mind is of clearing up unwanted junk around the house ..... yes, I should be doing that too. What I believe we should clear up too are the closets of our life, those things that have been cluttering up the mind, the not-so-good habits and emotional baggage which has been weighing us down. I came across this article in today's ST that reminded me how necessary this is for all of us.

Sometimes we allow some grievances or misunderstanding to cloud our thinking and we are not at peace. Some nights we lie awake because some thoughts taunt us or the mind is so busy with some mundane matters. Sometimes we think about people we miss ..... and wish we could keep in touch more often.

Sometimes we have become so set in our ways of thinking and doing things that we cannot see what we should see. Or we are so stubborn with pride that we do not know how to say we are sorry when we make a mistake. Perhaps this would be a good time to take a moment ..... to reflect and do some soul searching, discard the unnecessary and to give thanks for what we have. May we wake up on the first day of the new year with a clearer mind and less mental cobwebs.

Happy new year.

Witching hour

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 18:16:59 GMT

I know I ought to sleep early but this is my favourite time of 'day' when I can think without the usual distractions. I just like the quiet and feel of having the night to myself. Class 95 is now playing one of my favourite songs 'For the first time' by Kenny Logins. Another recent fav is 'My grown up Christmas list' by Clay Aiken .... he has such a great voice with which one can fall in love. The song is beautiful and I just wanted to share it with some special people at Christmas.

3 more days and we're going to see the last of 2007 which hasn't been a great year for a lot of people. Just hope that 2008 will bring blessings for all of us. Does anyone still make and keep new year resolutions anymore? If I were to make mine, it would be 1) more early nights so that I don't feel like a zombie in the morning, 2) exercise more and lose those few kg. Not that difficult to achieve, right?

This is not exactly my first journal entry, I do write off and on but not online. It somehow doesn't feel safe and not necessary to share personal thoughts that some day might come back and haunt me. I feel that blogging has become a compulsion for some people but I do enjoy reading some blogs. There's one I don't read anymore because the vulgar language had put me off. I do not understand why some people think nothing of using expletives right, left and centre ..... freedom of speech perhaps but I can't respect vulgarity. Some of my fav blogs are those written with humour and honesty .... they were just being themselves without trying to impress. Some of them made me laugh out loud. I stumbled upon a friend's blog during a google search for something. It was a blessing as it was a way to stay connected even though we don't get to meet.

I joined facebook on an invitation but didn't find it that great. It's too public and everyone sees everybody else. It didn't feel very personal and I decided to deactivate it after a couple of weeks.

Enough for tonight ... way past bed time but then it's a long weekend so I suppose it's ok.

To be continued .....